Hello, I really hope your doing well.
I'll be honest its been a rough few weeks. I'm not entirely sure why exactly, but life is just not a walk in the park recently and I've been dealing with more downs than ups. That's life though and it sucks! What can we do about it? Keep fighting, keep looking ahead and pray the good days are worth the battle. Well I've been thinking lately about how honest I be when asked the dreaded question that is....
How are you feeling?
Oh I'm doing great. I'm Good, just a little tired. etc. etc. are all common answers for me. I may tell a few fibs when this question arises and I don't for one second believe I'm alone in this. In saying this I can guarantee I'm going to keep on fibbing. My reason for this is because in all fairness only a select few could handle your answer and the rest will be in a state of shock for the foreseeable future. So personally I do believe a wee fib here and there is acceptable.
So I'll try be honest on how I am feeling.
I suffer from really bad headaches. I find stress and tiredness a trigger. Even when I'm not feeling upset or emotional, I regularly feel like I've a lump in my throat like I'm about to breakdown and cry. Trust me I'm 99% not going to but the wee feeling is there. I've an ache in my chest as if I'm heartbroken for something. I'm fairly sure I'm not heartbroken well maybe a little for the really happy Leonie. My body, my legs/feet are just heavy, were going through the motions but were tired. I feel like I carry such a weight on my shoulders with me all the time and I've no reason to.
Emotionally I've definitely been better, I feel:
Agitated - I never know when something might trigger a low moment
Hopeless - Why have I not beat this yet?
Guilty - My kids deserve a happy mummy every day.
Afraid - Depression is scary.
Empty - Sometimes there is no feelings
Vulnerable - We all need a few cuddles
I could write a list so long but I know yous get the idea. Luckily I don't feel this way everyday but when I'm in a low mood this is my life. Its crap and I hate it. Depression your a pain in the butt!!
Describing how you feel when suffering from a mental health issue is incredibly difficult and is no easy task. I've explained it lots of times and each time is still a struggle. I could chat all day to a specialist or someone with similar health issues and that's mainly because that person knows exactly how your feeling. There's a common ground between the two people. What is hard, is when the person you have to talk to doesn't understand mental health and how you can feel so low when life is pretty perfect. In my own experience I see how hard this is. I'm 100% embarrassed of the opinions I had of mental health issues before I was diagnosed. I now hear stories of peoples struggles and misfortunes I stop and think. Instead of throwing in my opinion to the conversation, I imagine how the person must of been feeling and that's important.
We need to be more aware of peoples feelings, asking someone how they are feeling and meaning it is so important. Just be prepared incase they tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth. If they tell you they're fine, they might be telling the truth and if you suspect its a lie just be there for them. Its the best you can do.
Right now after getting all that off my chest I feel a little better. thank you for reading as always.
Stay safe, stay healthy and look after your sunshine,
xO Leonie
