Life has definitly been busy as of late and all for a good reason. I made the decision several weeks ago to return to work after nearly two years being a full time mummy. So the plan was to get a wee part time job to get me out of a rut, as i was falling into too many bad habbits and dare i say it getting a tad lazy. So routine was my main goal and I've ended up with a jammed packed routine. Along with my blog and my most important Mammy duties, i have ended up with not one but two part-time jobs. I can honestly say Im loving being back working as I feel it gives me a far better balance. Being a stay at home mum was so much fun but for me personally it was not without its struggles. In saying that we still have our struggles whether im at work or not, so i guess thats life.
One thing i really notice since returning to work is the increase in my good moods and I honestly think its down to being out and about and chatting to different people. Not that i dont enjoy the chats I have with Miley and Kaelyn, but baby/toddler chat from 7am to 8pm is exghausting. Especially considering they tend to repeat themselves a million times. I found when John came home from work I dreaded the "what did you get up to today" question. It was getting to the stage that everyday my response was the same. Now dont get me wrong, I love chatting about my kids and the crazy things they get up to. But I was loosing my life in my kids life. Nothing wrong with that, I know and I hope Im not classed as a bad Mother because i needed to find a little piece of myself again. I read a quote recently and it is so simple and effective to this topic. It is,
"Never Be To Busy Being Mummy and Daddy, That You Forget To Be Husband And Wife."
I now have plenty going on in my day to day life, that I no longer fear being asked what i got up to. Days are an awful lot busier but i find we are in a better routine with having places to be and things to do. Thankfully I don't feel that the girls are anyway affected by my return to work.
Now my own mental health has certainly taking a few to many beatings over the last few months and I wish I knew the reason for it. If my mental health journey was an actual roadtrip journey, I'd say at least 90% of the time I'd have my head stuck in a map at the side of the road while selotaping my sat-nav back together. I just felt lost. My mind was lost. Things have definitly improved, some days are good and some are bad. I guess thats what having depression is like though, you wake up in the morning and you literally dont know what your mind has in store for you.
I have always remained positive that some day i will beat depression and no longer rely on medication. However lately I fear that I will live with this forever and surprisinly it doesnt scare me half as much as it should. If I remain positive the good days will take over the bad and when the bad days appear I will learn that good shall follow. Depression has not destroyed my life and It never will. If depression stays with me forever thats fine, im not afraid! If I get rid of depression entirely, that's fine too I for sure wont be missing it.
Im not going to make a promise that i have more regular posts up but i really do intend on setting time aside to have one up weekly for you all. Keep your wonderful messages coming as I love reading them all and helping you in anyway I can.
Stay safe, stay healthy and look after your sunshine.
xO Leonie
