Round 1 - Ding! Ding!

Hello, I hope your well. ☺️ isn't the sunshine just amazing this past few days.

This week I'd thought I would give you all a better insight into my own personal experience with depression. This may be tricky to write as I still question, why me? When did this start? When will it go away?  But I will try my best, I'll start with my first trip to the doctors my oldest daughter Miley was about 4/5 months old and I was diagnosed with post-natal depression. Although I'm now able to look back as far as my teenage years and see that certain times, life just didn't seem right. I would hate to be a teenager again, it's such a difficult and confusing time and I absolutely dread when my girls are at that stage. Thankfully I've ages to prepare myself and them for that.

I still remember the day I put Miley into her pram and walked to the doctors. Even sitting in the waiting room I just thought the doctor would laugh at me and say the way I was feeling was exactly how any first time, single mum feels. So when I explained a few of my symptoms:

• Tearful 

•  Sleep problems - tired all the time 

•  Losing interest in people and activities  

• Feeling guilty - feeling worthless 

•  Lack of concentration and memory problems 

•  Lack of confidence 

•  Being hard on myself- constantly criticising myself 

•  Major anxiety 

•  Overthinking every single thought 

There is many more symptoms but these were a few I was struggling with, when the doctor confirmed that I wasn't okay and that I was suffering from PND I actually felt relieved because I knew I was able to get the help I needed. That day I was put on medication, which I was unbelievably embarrassed about. All I could think was how bad of a mother I must be to need a silly little tablet to get through each day. I had this amazing baby who changed my life for the better yet the second she fell asleep or was away with her dad for the day, I was a mess. (I've only one rule try to have no breakdowns in front of the kids) I hated being on the medication even though it helped me, I tried to do everything else the doctor recommended such as: healthy eating, exercise, socialising with friends and doing things I loved. I also moved to a home much closer to my family, personally I feel all of the above helped me a lot more than the medication at that time. I wasn't taken the medication properly at all I would take it for a while then stop it again. Eventually I felt well enough to stop it completely I had a fantastic daughter, all was going great with my new boyfriend (hubby now) and I had a wee job I loved going to. 

I have to say no two experiences with depression are the same, I always say that I got depression twice but whether it ever went away a few years ago or not I don't know. Personally if I had to pick, I would take the time I had it after Miley again and again. But I do recommend staying on your medication until your doctor says it's okay to come off it. The time I'm referring to in this article was not as severe as what a lot of people are currently going through. A few life changes helped me years ago, so I definitely recommend trying it to you all. But please don't feel like a failure if it doesn't work out because something else will. It hasn't worked for me this time but I'll get there in time and so will you. 

I've decided to split my experiences into two different articles because they are so different and also not the easiest to write. I will hopefully have my Kaelyn story up in the next few days. I'm still loving all your messages of your own stories it's amazing we all feel so alone in this but I can assure you, we are not. 


Stay safe, stay healthy and look after your sunshine!

xO Leonie